Bringing Sexy Back

I’m starting to feel bad for my husband. I have to think he longs for the days when I used to put on a cute, lacey nighty to go to bed. Now he’s lucky if I shave my legs once a week. Of course, he’d never actually say anything to me about it, but I swear I can see it in his eyes when he watches me step into my pair of men’s boxers and throw one of his old ratty t-shirts over my head before giving him a kiss goodnight. In my defense, I can’t help it! I just want to be comfortable, and frankly I’m too exhausted to do or be much else. The other day he took a picture of me holding our adorable five month old daughter. She was wearing an especially cute outfit, so of course we had to document it. After examining the picture he’d taken, I looked up at him and innocently asked, “Why am I always wearing yoga pants and a sports bra in all of our pictures?” To which he very gently responded, “Babe, that’s all you ever wear.” Oh yeah. I forgot.

The thing is, when I wake up in the morning I’ve got roughly 10 seconds to do whatever getting ready I intend to do for the day before Punkies (the nickname given to our daughter by her daddy) loses all patience with my selfish behavior and voices her disapproval with a loud cry. With the best of intentions of working out at some point, I put on my yoga pants, sports bra and tank top, throw my hair in a ponytail and brush on some bronzer . . . just to look alive. Then I scoop up the baby and we start our day. Problem is, I never know how long naps will be or what loops our darling little Punkies will throw my way, so it could be 5 PM before we’re able to go on our walk (i.e. my “workout” for the day). Therefore I wind up in my workout clothes all day long, finally showering after she goes to bed, only to throw on sweatpants and a tshirt, because why mess with an actual outfit if all I’m going to do is eat dinner and watch tv? I swore I’d never be like this . . .

Now the Hubs on the other hand, comes home every night looking dapper in his suit and tie, making me feel like an even bigger slob! I knew we had a problem a few nights ago when he came home and I was in the kitchen fixing dinner. I’d had a doctor appointment earlier that day, so I’d actually taken a shower, done my hair and slapped on a little makeup. (My husband may not get shaved legs outta me, but you better believe the OBGYN does . . . come on ladies, you know it’s true.) Anyway, I certainly wasn’t dressed in anything fancy. I was wearing jeans and a black shirt (dark colors hide the extra baby pounds, ya with me?). He came up behind me and kissed the back of my head and said, “Wow, you look great! Jeans, huh? Nice!” Jeans?!? Now I admit I do have some great jeans. I’m happy shopping at Old Navy, Ann Taylor, The Gap, whatever, but when it comes to jeans, I do have a thing for the designer brands. So, okay, I get it, they were nice jeans, but they’re still just jeans. Yet he specifically noticed them and was taken aback by how “great” I looked. A year ago this was a standard, everyday outfit. I only looked “great” if we were headed out on a hot date and I’d taken several hours to get myself to that point. Geez, how far have I fallen?

Now I know I’m being a little hard on myself. I did just have a baby five months ago, and I am staying home to take care of her. The Hubs does work really long hours and travels a decent amount, so I do a lot of it on my own. However, I remember specifically thinking I wouldn’t be this way. I distinctly recall a conversation with a friend after she’d had her baby. I was pregnant at the time and told her yoga pants had become my standard attire lately. I laughed and said, “Poor Hubs. I’m sure he’s loving this stage.” She looked at me with a straight face and said, “Oh, he’ll get used to it. That’s all you’ll wear from now on.” At that moment, picturing a forever life of slovenliness, I promised myself I’d ditch the yoga pants as soon as I was feeling up to it and get back into my normal, snazzy wardrobe. Here we are almost a year later and I sit writing this in those same yoga pants.

Being a mommy isn’t easy. I never thought it would be. However, I did think I’d have the same zest for looking my best no matter what. To be fair, I’ve never exactly been a sex bomb. I mean, I had a fairly long awkward stage, if we’re being honest. In fact, I joke (but am more than half serious) that my awkward stage started at age 10 and only just ended around age 23. That’s about the time that I realized I should probably attempt to be healthy and workout. I actually think it started one summer when I was between jobs and living at home with my parents. I was flat out bored and decided to go for a run, something that I’d never done voluntarily, without it being required for lacrosse practice or to quickly escape the rain. I started with one mile and within a few months had worked up to fairly regularly running half marathons. I was pretty darn fit and loving it! Having rock hard abs and lean legs was not something I was used to. Exercising and nutrition became part of my daily routine and something that really defined me for years. I was lucky enough to be able to keep up with it through my pregnancy and going on long walks and trips to the gym helped me stay super fit and feel good all throughout. I’d love to be able to continue working out like I used to and get the body and confidence back that I had before sweet Punkies came into my life, but when is there time?

I already explained how I start my mornings, but let me brief you on how our days go down. I can make it short and sweet. We nurse when she wakes up, then play for a little while before nap, nurse before nap, nurse when she wakes up, play, nurse, nap, go on a walk, nurse, nap, nurse . . . you get the picture. Somewhere in there I manage to brush my teeth, but I’m lucky if that’s before noon. Please believe me when I say, I’m not complaining. I LOVE my new job. It’s an absolute blessing to be able to spend my days with the love of my life. However, it’s certainly an adjustment, a BIG one. The Hubs and I described it as hitting a brick wall at 100mph. Nothing could have prepared me for committing my entire mind, body, and every thought to someone else. There’s nothing I’d rather do, but it’s still a big change. A big change that leaves very little time for much else, especially things like working out or getting my nails done, much less putting on eyeliner or an outfit that actually matches.

I do find that it gets easier with each passing day. I’m getting more and more used to my new job and Punkies continues to develop her unique personality, becoming more playful and making me laugh constantly. I’m also getting more familiar with her needs all the while she’s becoming more independent. The stars are aligning and I’m finding time to take care of myself a little bit. I even showered today . . . BEFORE she went to bed! In fact, the Hubs came back from a business trip tonight, and I had a homemade dinner waiting. I made a point of doing my hair, putting on some makeup and wearing jeans. I even shaved my legs. I’m feeling pretty darn good about myself today, not pre-baby sex bomb, but definitely bomb-ish. Now, if I could only get him to wake up from where he passed out on the couch and come to bed with me. I should probably seductively whisper in his ear that I’m headed to the bedroom to slip into something more comfortable. But let’s be honest, we both know what that means.